Therapy for High-Achievers
“I have everything I could ever want…so why do I feel…off?”
This inquiry frequently comes up in my work when providing therapy for adults who are by all accounts “successful.” These individuals are what we might consider high-achievers: founders, industry leaders, CEOs, entrepreneurs, all those who have otherwise climbed high in the uncompromising ladders of their careers. These are powerful individuals with busy professional lives in San Francisco and the surrounding Bay Area. And yet, for these highly-successful individuals, there may, despite it all, be a sense of sadness, anxiety, self-doubt, numbness, or a difficulty knowing what they actually feel.
In my therapy practice in San Francisco, we take a comprehensive, multi-stage approach. After we’ve conducted an initial consultation, reviewed expectations for therapy, and taken a thorough assessment of symptoms, we begin by looking back. This process typically involves exploring key aspects of the client’s past, including their upbringing, family history, and any notable experiences they may have faced in their life that feel relevant to the who they are now.
the Cost of being a Gifted Child
Our psyches are molded throughout our lifetime. The experiences we endure and the ways in which we are supported by others in our environment indelibly form who we are as people. During our earliest years, we are the most vulnerable, both physically and emotionally. From infancy through adolescence, our brains are developing the fundamental unconscious structure which will contain our relationship to our basic emotions, how we see ourself in our environment, and how we make sense of the world around us. While an individual’s mental health is not solely dependent upon developmental factors, we can gain profound insight into a person’s immediate symptomology by understanding how the individual was raised to understand their emotions.
For my therapy patients who were raised in achievement-oriented environments like the Bay Area, I frequently work with adults who were considered “gifted children.” In these family patterns focused on perfectionism, constant striving, and academic or career-oriented achievement, the full range of emotional expression was often incidentally sidelined, either directly or indirectly, in exchange for outward success. When a young person’s emotional needs are minimized or otherwise dismissed, they learn that approval or even love is conditional upon quantifiable achievement. They learn to prioritize intellect or accolades over the full spectrum of what it means to be human. To be human is to navigate both the tangible (outward) and the intangible (inward). Underneath all that we do is an undeniable qualitative emotional experience. And as such, feelings and emotions are vital components of ourselves and the world around us.
In these ways, a childhood that centers the child’s identity around being “gifted,” that subsequently fails to integrate the emotions, vulnerability, and the reality of human imperfection, can lead to feelings of inter and intrapersonal disconnection and other psychological difficulties as adults. This is often when people seek therapy counseling.
The Focus of Therapy for High-Achievers
In my practice in San Francisco, therapy for high-achievers focuses on bridging the developmental and emotional gaps that may have been formed in your childhood. A key part of this process involves creating a kind of “map” of your internal world (your emotions, your core beliefs, values, unconscious drives and more) and learning how to traverse it. Together, we learn how to cultivate curiosity towards what’s occurring emotionally inside one’s self. This is otherwise referred to as psychological-mindedness. Then slowly and gradually, we work towards repairing and bolstering parts of one’s self that may have been neglected, sidelined, or ignored.
This process often includes:
Learning to recognize, name, and work with one’s emotions
Building tolerance for emotional discomfort and vulnerability
Learning how to use safe communication to ensure healthy relational dynamics
Developing compassion and curiosity towards areas of self-criticism, doubt, shame or imperfection
Figuring out who you are outside of the context of worldly achievement or success
Many clients fear that unpacking the underlying causes of their challenging emotions will feel overwhelming. It is normal to feel anxious when initially stepping into therapy, especially if this is your first time in any form of psychotherapy or counseling. My approach firmly rooted in evidence-based practices that are collaborative, trauma-informed and strengths-based to ensure that you are thoughtfully, safely and comprehensively supported throughout the entirety of the therapy process.
When Therapy for High-Achievers May Be Helpful
You might consider therapy for high-achievers if you:
Feel emotionally disconnected from yourself or others despite external success
Struggle to identify or trust your feelings
Constantly prioritize others over yourself
Experience a persistent sense of emptiness or self-doubt
Whether you’re deciding to try therapy for the first time or returning after having taken a hiatus, professional counseling can be a profound vehicle towards living an emotionally sustainable and psychologically vibrant life. If you’re reading this and considering exploring therapy together, you’ve already taken a courageous step towards healing.
My psychotherapy practice supports clients online and in person across San Francisco, the Bay Area and all of California. If you’re interested in working together, I humbly invite you to contact me today to set up a free initial consultation.
